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Jewish World Review July 16, 2012/ 26 Tammuz, 5772 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The U.S. Navy launched Sea Lion undersea drones in the Persian Gulf Friday. They can locate Iran's mines by sonar and destroy them. President Obama was hoping to avoid using undersea drones until he killed Osama bin Laden again the week before the election.
Mitt Romney was booed when he told the NAACP convention Wednesday he will get rid of ObamaCare. However, he got a standing ovation at the end, accompanied by an organ fanfare. Every time somebody mentions ObamaCare people throw kidneys in the air.
President Obama was ripped by black leaders for skipping the NAACP convention on Thursday. So he spoke to them by satellite. He would have sent a hologram of himself but his agent had already booked it to open at the Hollywood Bowl for Elvis Presley's hologram.
Joe Biden gave a speech to the NAACP convention Thursday. He planned to thank them for agreeing to college football playoffs, and then he was reminded he wasn't addressing the NCAA. So he threw away his speech and paid tribute to Dale Earnhardt.
CBS admitted considering outsourcing CBS News to CNN Thursday. It wasn't thought through. Once CBS outsources the news to CNN and CNN outsources the news to India, Americans will be so cricket-crazy in three years that CBS will lose money on NFL football.
Penn State got an official report on Coach Jerry Sandusky's child-sex-abuse scandal Thursday. It blamed the entire athletic department. What did they think Sandusky was doing when he sponsored the Running of the Boys through the streets of College Park?
Mexico's defeated presidential candidate claimed his opponent bought millions of Mexican votes to win the election. A recount is underway. It didn't look good a week ago when the winner was simultaneously elected Mexico's president and mayor of Chicago.
San Bernardino joined Stockton and Mammoth Lakes among California cities which are bankrupt and may be forced to cut their entire police force. It's a great idea. Until now cities have had to offer tax breaks to attract enough criminals to keep the economy going.
Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. reportedly flew to Tucson Thursday to check himself into rehab in Arizona. It wasn't easy. When Arizona authorities asked him to prove his citizenship when he got off the plane, the only papers he could produce had gummed edges.
Katie Holmes reached a settlement with Tom Cruise Tuesday that'll give her power to raise their child. Katie wants to raise her in a religion that's less crazy and weird than Scientology. She's waiting to see if the Taliban will give her an exemption from the dress code.
Saudi Arabia announced Thursday they will allow two women athletes to compete in the Olympics in judo and track. The kingdom is trying to improve its greedy image. This year the Olympic demonstration sport is making a tank of gas last three weeks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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