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Jewish World Review July 4, 2012/ 14 Tammuz, 5772 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Ted was the number-one box office hit movie over the weekend. It's about a talking teddy bear who drinks, smokes, snorts coke and eats junk food. Ticket sales got a huge boost when it was released the same day Americans learned that health care's guaranteed.
California's Assembly passed a bill Friday that protects a child with same-sex lesbian parents. The law protects child custody claims by a man who dated one of the lesbians and fathered the child. Under Justice Roberts' health care ruling any mandate is now a tax.
The Weather Channel aired footage of a spectacular thunderstorm in Virginia Friday that tore up entire forests. A massive amount of hail fell from the sky, causing a lot of plump and overweight people to fear for their lives. They thought it was raining bath salts.
President Obama's campaign claimed Saturday that he's the right leader to deal with hot summers. He may be right. The bad news is that the nation was under a heat dome, but the good news is we have plenty of shade under out fourteen trillion dollar debt ceiling.
Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise Friday, sparking gossip in Hollywood over why she left. It's rumored he cheated. That night every comedian in show business went to their church or temple to pray that the other woman turns out to be John Travolta.
Anderson Cooper came out of the closet Monday and admitted he's gay in a question-and-answer article for the Daily Beast's Andrew Sullivan. It can only help ratings. CNN responded by changing the name of his nightly news show to Anderson Cooper One Eighty.
The Washington Times reports the drone aircraft industry issued its first-ever code of conduct. Drones will soon be patrolling the skies everywhere. All across the country backyard farmers are busy attaching plastic tomatoes to the tops of their marijuana plants.
Mexicans elected a president Sunday who agreed to go easy on the cartels. They are facing competition. Last week in Texas a KFC cook was busted for cooking crystal meth in the restaurant but he wasn't prosecuted because it was the healthiest item on the menu.
Homeland Security warned that al-Qaeda has recruited a Norwegian terrorist to underwear-bomb a U.S. airliner. What can the TSA do? If they detain every blonde-haired blue eyed male at the airport this year, the Republican Convention might have to be a conference call.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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