Jewish World Review July 25, 2011 / 23 Tamuz, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama admitted in a Kansas City radio interview Tuesday the next election will be a referendum on him and his presidency. The White House quickly clarified his statement. What the president meant to say is that Bush has screwed up left field so badly that nobody can play it.
Atlanta public school teachers admitted Tuesday they cheated to help their students pass standardized tests. They can't afford to lose more funding. School textbooks are in terrible condition because the school kids routinely tear the covers off them looking for the battery compartments.
The Space Shuttle landed for the final time Thursday, prompting congratulations from the president. Next is an unmanned journey to Mars. President Obama opted for robots over astronauts because robots don't turn around and endorse Republicans if you slash their budget.
Mexico reported a steep drop in the birth rate in the Mexico census Tuesday. The average Mexican couple now has only two children, compared to the average Mexican couple having seven children just thirty years ago. That's how hard it is to afford private school in Los Angeles.
HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius welcomed a federal health report Tuesday calling for all women to have access to the morning-after birth control pill. Drug-makers are working on developing a morning-after pill that's for men. It changes your DNA and your telephone number.
The Federal Election Commission ordered John Edwards to pay back two million dollars Thursday. He's been indicted for steering campaign contributions to cover up his mistress and their love child. Comedians will always look at John Edwards as the president who got away.
President Obama announced plans Tuesday to vacation next month on Martha's Vineyard, where he'll play golf every day on the old course. The island was settled two centuries ago as a Methodist retreat. An old Scotsman built the golf course and the Methodists arrived like birds.
Psychological Journal released a study Monday which finds that the sight of the American flag causes people to think more conservatively and vote Republican. That's logical. Barack Obama might have made a mistake when he took us into Libya under the flag of the Arab League.
General David Petraeus left his military post in Afghanistan Monday to head the CIA. He is fully trained to deal with the situation he faces in Washington D.C. Iraq and Afghanistan just agreed to keep U.S. troops in their countries until the U.S. can prove it's ready for self-government.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton