Jewish World Review July 11, 2008 / 8 Tamuz 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Alex Rodriguez's wife filed for divorce Monday because of his infatuation with Madonna. They were clearly meant for each other. E-Harmony set them up when they wrote on the questionnaire that the most important thing in life is to fill a stadium.
Brett Favre told the Green Bay Packers he wanted to cancel retirement and play this year. Retirement was a disappointment. He thought that since the government pays him not to grow cotton, Green Bay was going to pay him not to play football.
Larry King was honored in Hollywood Thursday when the intersection of Cahuenga Boulevard and Sunset Boulevard was renamed Larry King Square. Local residents are extremely puzzled. An intersection seems like a strange place to put a softball field.
Warren Beatty was given the Lifetime Achievement Award in Hollywood on Tuesday by the American Film Institute. For over thirty years he was the biggest womanizer in Hollywood. Nobody seriously thinks the Lifetime Achievement Award is for his acting.
Boone Pickens began a TV campaign Tuesday urging the use of wind power to generate electricity. He's got five thousand windmill turbines spinning away in West Texas. For Boone Pickens it's just an investment, but for the geese it's the French Revolution.
Barack Obama decided Monday to accept the nomination at Mile High Stadium, then asked Berlin's mayor if he can speak at the Brandenburg Gate. It's become a sickness. He won't even order breakfast anymore unless sixty thousand people are watching through the windows.
Barack Obama's plane had to make an emergency landing Monday after a rear exit chute deployed during flight. The reporters onboard were shocked. Nobody thought that Hillary would tamper with his plane until after his fundraiser for her on Wednesday.
Hillary Clinton voters were polled Tuesday and one-third vowed they won't vote for Obama. They're angry that the liberal cable networks spent all year demonizing Hillary and glorifying Barack. That Easter sunrise service was a little over the top.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton