Jewish World Review July 7, 2006 / 11 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
North Korea test-fired six military missiles Tuesday. The ICBM failed to get airborne, four others landed near Japan and one just missed Russia. What could be scarier than a nation whose rocket engineers study Shaquille O'Neal at the foul line.
The West Coast stayed calm during North Korea's missile launches Tuesday. We are too self-absorbed to notice. If Southern Californians saw a missile in the sky they would just think it's an advertising balloon for Vote Yes on Same-Sex Marriage.
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards was added to the cast of the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie Tuesday. It's perfect casting. In order to mimic the skin damage you would achieve by spending your life on the open ocean they had to go to Rock n Roll.
France advanced Wednesday to the World Cup final with Italy this Sunday. Both countries enjoy a reputation as romantic and carefree places where no one works that hard. It's a crime in both countries to report sexual advances in the workplace.
New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine closed all casinos Wednesday due to the state budget crisis. He's shut down all state services. Now The Sopranos can go back into production without worrying about the cast being arrested for cocaine possession.
Iraq war protester Cindy Sheehan sat outside the White House fence Wednesday and demanded immediate U.S. troop withdrawal from Iraq. It's already in the works. The only question now is whether they will be sent to Iran or North Korea.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton