In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 6, 2005 / 29 Sivan, 5765

The art of effective communication by words is dying the death of a dog

By Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Because we both make a living by words we are very sensitive about them and more importantly, in our respective occupations, with better or worse results, we utilize them as a mechanism to communicate our thoughts. Sadly, from what we observe, the art of effective communication by words is dying the death of a dog.

People throw words around like indescribably: indescribably delicious, indescribably beautiful, etc. If something is indescribable, how does putting the word indescribable before the thing it is supposed to describe in fact describe or even help in describing that thing?

Before we receive e e-mails (excessive e-mails) we know that indescribably is an adverb. However, putting a respectable name on word that does not make sense, makes no sense, no more than putting on a Chanel dress on a streetwalker changes her profession.

Similarly, people also toss around the word fabulous. How was the girl? She was a fabulous girl. The chopped liver? It was fabulous. How can you use the same word to describe a girl and chopped liver — unless it's some of the girls we know?

Then we get words that really mean the exact opposite of what they say. When a girl says the boy she went out with is hot, she really means he is cool. When another girl is asked to describe the guy who just picked her up, the girl might say, "He is really Bad." Usually this is pronounced BAAAD, and of course she means he is real good.

How about, "The rain kept up for an hour"? If it kept up, it never would have come down. When somebody says "kept up," they mean down, unless, of course, they live in Australia, which is down from us, on the other side of the world, so when we are up, they are down. When it rains on them, in that case, we would be correct if we say the "the rain kept up," because their up is our down. However, if you stand on your head in New York, then in that situation up would then still be down. We trust that we clarified this matter.

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The last place we expect to hear strings of words that are self-contradictory or that don't make sense is from the United States Supreme Court. But what did we just hear from it? It says it's legal to have the Ten Commandments outside the courthouse, but illegal to have them inside the courthouse. The unworthy thought occurs to us that to get inside the courthouse you have to walk there from outside, so the same person is walking from a legal environment into an illegal environment, and doing nothing more than putting one foot in front of the other. To make things more clear, the Court also said you have to consider each case on its own merits and its own facts, so theoretically, in certain cases, you could have the Ten Commandments outside the courthouse and it would be illegal, and yet inside the courthouse would be legal. Actually in terms of its own building where the Ten Commandments is inside the courthouse, the Supreme Court said that was legal. But if it were illegal outside, and legal inside the courthouse, people would have to walk on the outside where it is illegal to get to the inside where it is legal. And we didn't even discuss the cases where it is illegal both inside and outside, which seems to us to be a great way to get out of jury duty, or showing up to pay a traffic ticket.

In all this talk of language, we are not even mentioning expressions like "Keep your shirt on," when nobody in the house ever thought of taking it off. Or "Keep your eyes peeled," which we find too painful to contemplate.

We like simple stuff — spit on the subway and you're fined $50.00. That we understand!

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.



© 2005, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder.