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Jewish World Review July 30, 2004 /12 Menachem-Av, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | John Kerry addressed the Democratic Convention last night. He was introduced with a biographical film including home movies he took of himself in Vietnam. John Kerry lived in the only Quonset hut in Southeast Asia with a star on the door.

The Democratic Convention closed with balloons and pandemonium Thursday. The coverage was hilarious. At one point NBC News showed old clips of Jesse Jackson, Gary Hart, Teddy Kennedy and Bill Clinton and then cut to a commercial for Fidelity.

Democrats leave the convention today after an unprecedented display of party unity. It was weird. The Democrats were almost too well-behaved considering they were in Boston, a city whose nickname in England will forever be Fallujah by the Bay.

The Fleet Center in Boston was under strict security all week. The only food allowed to be sold in the convention was Dunkin Donuts and McDonald's. The Kerry plan for energy independence begins by increasing our dependence on hydrogenated oil.

Democrats held a roll call vote Wednesday as delegation chairmen bragged about their states before voting. It got very ugly. The tension mounted as every other state claimed to be the home of last year's national champions in college football.

Teresa Heinz Kerry wearily defended her right to be opinionated in her speech Tuesday night. The woman's had a hard life. She's been married to one Republican U.S. Senator and one Democratic U.S. Senator and neither one would take the garbage out.

John Edwards warned Republicans in his speech Wednesday that Americans would reject the hateful negative politics of the past. He's absolutely right. Thanks to Michael Moore, Americans now demand their hateful negative politics with popcorn.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton