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Jewish World Review July 29, 2004 /11 Menachem-Av, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | John Kerry speaks tonight at the Democratic Convention at the Fleet Center on Boston Harbor. He will arrive at the convention site by boat. He started his career by ramming his boat into a shore full of communists and that's how he's going to end it.

John Edwards spoke to the Democratic Convention Wednesday. He said President Bush has created two Americas, one for the rich and one for everyone else. You have to admit, it's quite an accomplishment for a guy just six years out of baseball.

Teresa Heinz Kerry Tuesday bumped Teddy Kennedy from prime time and took the best speaking slot for herself. We know where this is going. When Teresa runs for the Senate she won't have to register for gifts because she already has five houses.

Teresa Heinz Kerry insisted Tuesday on her right to be opinionated. She just told a reporter to shove it and she was revealed to have once called Ted Kennedy a bastard. As First Lady she will only be allowed to read to children in Los Angeles.

The Washington Post poll showed a sudden plunge in John Kerry's poll numbers. Two weeks ago he spoke out in favor of citizenship for illegal aliens. Suffice it to say you're not allowed to enter Israel with this proposal wrapped around your chest.

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