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Jewish World Review July 28, 2004 /10 Menachem-Av, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Bill Clinton hugged his wife after she introduced him at the Democratic Convention Monday. She turned her head so he wouldn't kiss her. The last thing the country wants to see is Bill Clinton giving another speech with lipstick all over his face.

Hillary Clinton was limited to a ten-minute speech at the convention Monday. She needs a new agent. They made her follow a violin solo of Amazing Grace and a candlelight tribute to victims of September 11th and her first three jokes just sat there.

Al Gore drew light applause at the convention Monday when he said the election was stolen from him. His only standing ovation was when he mentioned Bill Clinton. Afterwards Al got a congratulatory call in the locker room from Rodney Dangerfield.

Jimmy Carter was hailed at the convention in Boston Monday. In the Seventies, America thought it would be a good idea to elect a Southern Baptist to preside over the Disco Era. He wasn't so much the president as he was the designated driver.

Jimmy Carter just wrote a novel about the Revolutionary War that was hailed for its research. It reveals that half the American colonists fought for Britain. Jimmy Carter showed as much courage going to Boston as John Kerry showed going to Vietnam.

John Edwards addresses the Democratic Convention tonight. The convention is expecting a barnburner. Senator Edwards is known around Washington as Our Tony Blair, meaning he is brilliant, he is spellbinding, and he will believe anything the CIA tells him.

Al-Jazeera television network reporters covering the Boston convention said Monday the Democrats took their TV logo off the wall of the Fleet Center and they won't give it back. They are holding the sign hostage. The Kerry campaign has ordered the Arabs to pull their troops out of the Fleet Center or the sign gets it.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton