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Jewish World Review July 7, 2004 / 18 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Duke's Mike Krzyzewski turned down the Los Angeles Laker coaching job Monday after Kobe Bryant called on behalf of Los Angeles and offered him the job personally. Is he crazy? Does Coach K have any idea what happens to people who say no to Kobe Bryant?

Olympics host Athens burst into patriotic street singing Sunday after Greece won the European Soccer Cup. Loud music keeps away terrorists. They haven't come near the United States since we began singing G-d Bless America every seven innings.

Newsweek reported Monday the number of women who cheat on their husbands has doubled in the last ten years. The breakdown is not surprising. Forty percent of women cheat at the work place and the other sixty percent cheat at the book signing.

Iraq's new government Monday provided pinpoint intelligence to U.S. troops for an air strike on insurgents in Fallujah. The CIA should look into this technology. The Iraqis used Caller ID every time somebody called to ask about the amnesty offer.

Germany decided to let the German Air Force shoot down airliners hijacked in Germany. This is a bad idea for the same reason cocaine is not allowed backstage at Saturday Night Live reunion shows. Nobody knows where the off switch is located.

John Kerry and his wife Teresa Heinz held an Independence Day party at their Pennsylvania farm on Sunday. The senator and his wife have five mansions. It shows how much further your money goes when the government pays for your health insurance.

Ralph Nader told Judy Woodruff Monday how electable he is in the Heartland and how necessary he is to the race and how his candidacy won't hurt Democrats. His candidacy feeds his addiction to camera time. On days like this, the best thing Judy can do is to pull him aside and encourage him to attend meetings of On and On.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton