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Jewish World Review July 2, 2004 / 13 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | NBA star Tracy McGrady was traded Wednesday to the Houston Rockets along with his ninety-million dollar contract. How high are oil prices? Upon arrival at the airport he was greeted by the mayor of Houston and welcomed to the middle class.

Sony armed movie theater employees with military night- vision goggles to catch pirates taping Spider Man Two. Studios are now protecting themselves with Pentagon technology. The next shareholder meeting in Hollywood could make for good television.

John Kerry said Tuesday he will help illegal immigrants become citizens once he becomes president. Democrats never learn. Gray Davis signed legislation in California one year ago to help illegal immigrants and today he can't get an agent.

U.S. sprinter Jerome Young may be stripped of his Olympic gold medal on the recommendation of a panel of Swiss judges. Who are they to judge? If Switzerland ever hosted the Olympics, dealing paintings stolen by the Nazis would be a demonstration sport.

Adolf Hitler was the star of two Internet commercials Tuesday. One Internet ad compared Bush to Hitler and another Internet ad compared Kerry to Hitler. It is male enhancement ads like these that will wind up getting the Internet regulated.

Saddam Hussein was arraigned in a Baghdad court on Thursday on charges of war crimes. He's a product of his environment. When Saddam Hussein was a boy growing up in Cairo his youth basketball league enforced only one rule, no autopsy, no foul.

Saddam Hussein's arraignment in a Baghdad court was televised Thursday across Iraq. He looked disdainful when the judge listed the charges against him. They don't need to read him the riot act, for crying out loud, he authored the riot act.

Radio Baghdad took a poll Wednesday which found half of Iraqis wanted to see Saddam Hussein executed and half wanted to see him released. That was fast. The country isn't free for three days and already they have an American-style democracy.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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