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Jewish World Review July 1, 2004 / 12 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Spider Man Two was projected on Tuesday to make three hundred million at the box office again. It's the second of six Spider Man movies. Michael Moore just caught himself wishing that President Bush could serve six terms in the White House.

New York Yankee Jason Giambi was hospitalized with an intestinal parasite he caught at Yankee Stadium. The team got right to the source. For the rest of the year, politicians are asked to sit at least three rows back from the first base line.

The Pentagon on Tuesday announced involuntary call-ups for retired service members who still have Reserve commitments. They're not happy. Al Sharpton is hosting a new show called I Hate My Job and it was just picked up by Armed Forces Television.

Iraq's new Prime Minister Iyad Allawi took power in Baghdad Monday. He vowed a fast trial for his predecessor, he canceled elections and he declared martial law. As long as he doesn't have two psychopathic sons we still came out of this ahead.

John Kerry told reporters Tuesday he has no intention of releasing the sealed files containing the secret details of his divorce seventeen years ago. There cannot be anything interesting in there. That would be completely out of character.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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