September 27th, 2021


The Cat in the Lap Who's on Zoom in a Room

Lenore Skenazy

By Lenore Skenazy

Published June 5, 2020

The Cat in the Lap Who's on Zoom in a Room
The sun, it did shine

All that nice, nice spring day.

But we sat there inside

For a work-at-home day.

I sat there with Sally,

And Shawna and Lou

And Wayne from accounting

(Was he in the loo?)

And I said, "How I wish

I was sniffing some glue."

We could not go out.

We could not convene.

We sat there on Zoom,

And we stared at the screen.

So, all we could do was to





And we did not like it.

Not one little bit.

And then something went BUMP!

How that bump made us jump!

We looked!

Then we saw him leap up from his nap!

We looked!

And we saw him!

The cat in Lou's lap!

And he said to Lou,

"Let me take over, you sap.

I know there's a bug

That is ceaselessly breeding.

But we can have

Lots of good fun at this meeting!"

"I know some good games we could play,"

Said the cat.

"Look, there are palm trees

In back while we chat!"

"I've got lots of tricks.

I will show them to you.

Your dumb boss will not mind at all if I do."

My team and I, we

Did not know what to say.

Our dumb boss was not on

This dumb call today.

But Wayne's fish said, "NO! NO!

Tell that bad cat to shoo!

Tell that cat in your lap

To go screw himself, Lou!

He should not be here.

One more second at all!

Go look at the invite:

He's not on this call!"

"Now, now, have no fear.

Have no fear!" said Lou's cat.

"Let's start by me tapping

The keys rat-a-tat.

I'm muting ol' Lou here.

I'm making him mum.

And now it is time to show you my bum!"

"Don't you dare!" said the fish.

"You stay right where you are!

You stay in Lou's lap

Or I'm calling HR!"

"Oh, dear me," said the cat,

Taking Lou off of mute.

"Here's a new game I call

'Who's in a Suit?'

"You all must stand up,"

Said that cat to the team.

"Let's see who's not wearing — "

"NO, NO!" came a scream.

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"No, no!" cried the fish.

"Do not ask them to stand!

That's NOT what the 10 a.m. meeting

Had planned!"

"What a shame," said the cat.

"I had thought we'd have fun.

I'd even invited

Thing 2 and Thing 1."

The team and I,

We did not know what to do.

We'd never heard of Thing 1

Or Thing 2.

And then they burst in:

Lou's daughter and son!

The girl about 6

And the boy 31.

The Things did not know

We could see them appear.

The girl was crying,

The boy drinking beer.

Said that cat, "So you see what

I'm dealing with here."

With that, the cat

And the Things left our Zoom.

Then someone appeared

In our Zoom waiting room!

"Your boss!" cried the fish

And the fish shook with fear.

"Your boss figured out

How to dial in here!

He'll wonder what you have been up to.

Oh, dear!"

We let our boss in

And he said to the team:

"Did you get your work done?

Did I hear a fish scream?"

The team and I,

We did not know what to say!

Should we tell him the things

That went on there that day?

Should we say we had talked to the

Lap cat of Lou,

And the fish and the Things

And that Wayne flushed the loo?

Well ...

What would you do

If your boss asked YOU?

We pretended we all got cut off.

(Wouldn't you?)