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Jewish World Review June 22, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Hollywood Reporter warns that cable news hysteria could lead to viewer fatigue and lower ratings. All year long, the news has been nothing but Covid-19, shutdown, police brutality, rioting, and Black Lives Matter. Am I the only one who’s still fighting the scourge of plastic drinking straws?
• President Trump defied the CDC and hosted a packed campaign rally in Tulsa Saturday and he had them on their feet all night. A great comedian is worth every minute you wait in line to see. The media reports that twenty-two Americans who attended the rally died of Corona Virus next week.
• Joe Biden emerged from his home basement to participate in a civil rights ceremony where the former vice president had a very close call with death. Joe Biden was nearly beheaded. During an eight minute forty-six second moment of stillness he was mistaken for a Confederate statue.
• Dr. Fauci said football is playable this fall with no fans, igniting new fears of no-sports social tensions. Who knew 2 years ago when AOC said the planet has 13 years left she was being wildly optimistic? A poll says 34% of Americans think a civil war is likely, ruining an otherwise perfect year.
• The American Bar Association Journal says lawyers are deciding just who is liable and who are the injured parties during the past four weeks of social street unrest. Did you or a loved one steal a TV set during the 2020 riots that’s not working properly? If so, you may be entitled to compensation.
• Black Lives Matter was credited with Quaker’s decision to drop the Aunt Jemima logo, to drop the Mrs. Butterworth image and alter the depiction of Uncle Ben on rice boxes. The outrage is turning contagious. I am picketing Office Max tomorrow and demanding they get rid of White Out.
• Madison Avenue huddled with Big Food to cater to Black Lives Matters to eradicate offensive icons Wednesday. It was a productive day. BLM got Aunt Jemima fired, Mrs. Butterworth retired, Uncle Ben shelved and now the Pillsbury Doughboy may be dropped for flaunting his white privilege.
• Quaker Foods gave a nod to Black Lives Matter and announced that Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben will be removed as logos for its pancake syrup and rice. The red-headed Wendy’s logo just laughed. Jumping on the bandwagon, General Mills changed Betty Crocker’s name to Betty Cracker.
• Rush Limbaugh said cable news spends more time airing grievances than reporting the news, which stirs up division. What bothers me is not racism or lawlessness. What bothers me is that I was just writing a joke about Joe Biden getting senile when I noticed my bathwater was overflowing.
• Ford announced it will release its new model of the Ford Bronco on July 9th. It’s the SUV O.J. made famous and July 9th just happens to be O.J.’s birthday. O.J. will always be associated with one of the most heinous acts in Los Angeles history, making the Kardashians famous in the first place.
• Wall Street’s recent rally by the Dow Jones Average has economists calling the recession of 2020 the shortest recession ever. Despite the temporary hardship, one of the great American traditions is keeping up appearances. If I am ever shot at a WalMart, please drag me over to Target.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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