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Jewish World Review June 20, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Port of Philadelphia DEA agents busted one hundred seventy-five thousand pounds of cocaine on an incoming ship. It was worth seven hundred million dollars The DEA reported the interdiction as a seizure, but from what I remember, the seizures come if the drugs make it through.
• WTOP-TV News in Washington says the Russians are trying to recruit and hire retiring Baby Boomers with national security clearances as spies in DC. Hold on a minute. For fifty years, my generation has burned draft cards, evaded the draft, ignored every drug law, and produced four presidents in order a pothead, a drunk, a coke user and womanizer, but we NEVER commit treason.
• The National Retail Federation reported Americans spent a record eighteen billion dollars on Father's Day gifts, including clothing, gifts and cards. That's triple the amount of money spent a decade ago. In recent years Father's Day has become a much bigger holiday, thanks to DNA testing.
• O.J. Simpson made news by opening a Twitter account Friday and posting a video. In just three days O.J. attracted more Twitter followers than the 2020 Democratic candidates combined. It just proves Americans prefer to be stabbed to death rather than have to live through another election cycle.
• Speaker Nancy Pelosi expressed concern President Trump might take us into an unnecessary war with Iran due to his breaking Obama's Iran nuclear deal. Democrats openly worry that a war with Iran could result in the end of the world, and by that they mean Trump gets re-elected.
• The White House told the business community that Trump will try to iron out trade disputes at the G-20 Summit. India imposed retaliatory tariffs on the U.S., and they took effect immediately. I just phoned tech support and the guy told me to get the laptop working my damned self.
• The Hollywood Reporter says the Broadway play Hillary and Clinton closed early due to poor ticket sales. The story is a dialogue between Bill and Hillary during her New Hampshire primary battle with Obama eleven years ago. If this play bombed any worse, al-Qaeda would take credit for it.
• The L.A. Times reports universities in the Pacific Northwest are adapting their agricultural curriculum to the exploding legal cannabis industry. Oregon State announced they've opened the Research Center for the Study of Hemp. I thought all college campuses already have that, they're called dorms.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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