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Jewish World Review June 13, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Travel Magazine published a survey revealing that a record number of American tourists are planning to vacation abroad this summer, despite State Department warnings. I've just finished booking my own vacation to the Dominican Republic. I fly down there first class and I fly back cargo.
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Boston Red Sox legend David Ortiz was released from the hospital in Santo Domingo after he was shot in the Dominican Republic Friday. He's fine but he'll never regain use of his Dominican Republic citizenship. Ortiz is back in the U.S. where he will be made an honorary Citizen of Chicago.
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Joe Biden was shown in a nationwide poll defeating Donald Trump by fifty-three to forty-one percent. I think it's a sucker poll. If the Democrats nominate Joe Biden, I believe it again will give President Trump the chance to prove that Americans will take crazy over stupid every time.
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House Oversight Committee Chairman Gerald Nadler vowed to soldier on in his impeachment probe of President Trump. Nadler trotted out Watergate ghost John Dean to testify against the president. I can't wait to hear what Johnny Carson says about it tonight in the monologue.
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New York shut down after a small helicopter crashed into the top of a seventy-five story building. It surprised me that a helicopter hitting a rock-solid skyscraper caused such panic. My first reaction to the news was, somebody needs to tell Al-Qaeda that the recession is over.
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Iowa held its Democratic Party Dinner and Dance where by tradition, the Democratic candidates give speeches. Iowans love these feasts. The attendees devoured a thousand steaks, fifteen hundred sweet potatoes and sixteen hundred ears of corn, and the band's drummer is missing.
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NASA will sell seats aboard the Space Station to tourists willing to pay for the ticket. For sixty million dollars you watch seventeen sunrises while orbiting the earth at seventeen thousand miles an hour. Or for twenty dollars you can see the same thing at the same speed by dropping a tab of LSD.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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