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Jewish World Review June 14, 2016 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Donald Trump in a speech to evangelicals in Washington Friday stood by his proposed ban on allowing Syrian refugees into the U.S. He was blasted by the administration for profiling Muslims. Homeland Security tells us that if you see something say something, just don’t say anything offensive.
• Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton was reported Friday to be considering Senator Elizabeth Warren to be her vice presidential running mate. It would be confusing if they get elected to office. When the Marine Band plays Hail to the Chief at state dinners they’ll both wave in acknowledgement.
• The PGA Tour announced it’s moving the Doral Open from the Trump National Golf Club in Miami Beach to Mexico City next year. It was a humbling moment for Trump. It may be time to look at your minority outreach program when an all-white sport punishes you for insulting Mexicans.
• Hillary Clinton, President Obama and Elizabeth Warren called Trump a racist Thursday and he called the trio a criminal, a failure and a fake Indian. If you don’t like this political weather, it will change in fifteen minutes. If you like this political weather, maythe Divine have mercy on your soul.
• The White House confirmed that U.S. forces killed the leader of the Taliban with a drone strike near the mountainous border region of Pakistan and Afghanistan last week. As they say, that’s show business. One day you’re all over the newspapers, and the next day you’re all over the pavement.
• The Taliban announced Tuesday its council elected a new leader of the Taliban who’s vowing to drive the infidels out of their country. It’s a perilous life but it has its perks. The advantage to being in the Taliban is that when you divorce and re-marry you can keep the same photo on your desk.
• Hillary Clinton was endorsed by President Obama Thursday right after he tried to ease Bernie out of the race. It was all very well-timed. That afternoon, Senator Elizabeth Warren launched a savage attack on Trump, although you couldn’t put it that way if Warren were really an Indian.
• Bernie Sanders had a meeting with President Obama and Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid in the White House. He’s staying in the race. Afterwards, Bernie Sanders faced reporters and declared that the struggle continues, meaning, apparently, the struggle to understand arithmetic.
• Donald Trump pulled into a tie with Hillary Clinton in the Fox News nationwide presidential poll. He’s making progress with minorities. During his victory speech on Tuesday night, Trump vowed to take care of our African-American people, and he didn’t add, once and for all.
• Donald Trump hosted a meeting with GOP lawmakers about how to improve the country and he opened a website asking the American people for ideas. Being the president is a collaborative process. President Obama could never have drawn up Obamacare without the help of six joke writers.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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