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Jewish World Review June 9, 2014 / 11 Sivan, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama was at the D-Day seventieth anniversary in Normandy Friday. In this war the loser got U.S. military protection for a century and the winners got France. Barack Obama stood there thinking this makes five terrorists for a deserter look like a pretty good swap.
• D-Day's anniversary ceremony Friday included Germany's leaders. Their fathers fought against the U.S., the Soviet Union and the British Empire. If nations were like college football, Germany would always be in the Top Ten at the end of the season based on strength of schedule.
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Johnny Manziel attended an event at an elementary school in Cleveland Thursday where the students went wild as he entered the gym. It was a local outreach program. The kids were there to talk with the rookie about the importance of putting work before partying in Las Vegas.
• Phil Mickelson denied any wrongdoing Sunday after the FBI and SEC began investigating him for insider stock trading. He made a very stupid mistake. The first rule they teach you at the PGA Rookie School in Orlando is that whenever you play golf with the president, let him win.
• President Obama held an economic meeting with European leaders in Belgium where he did a little horse-trading on behalf of the American economy. We're all set now. The president traded Eastern Europe to Vladimir Putin in exchange for Mediterranean and Baltic, who says Democrats are anti-Monopoly?
• President Obama stood by his deal with the Taliban Friday. He was triumphant. He took a lot of heat for trading five enemy commanders for an accused U.S. deserter, but President Obama's now a proud member of the Taliban Record Club and gets a new deserter every month.
• Susan Rice went on the Sunday talk shows to defend the administration for trading five Taliban leaders for a soldier who went AWOL. This time she covered her tracks. Susan Rice declared that Sgt. Bergdahl served with honor and distinction, but she didn't say for which side.
• Gwyneth Paltrow went off the deep end again Friday, telling an interviewer she believes that water has feelings. She said negative words disturb water. Gwyneth's thinking process reminds everyone that if one door closes and another one opens, you may be in a haunted house.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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