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Jewish World Review June 7, 2006 / 11 Sivan, 5766 Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy By Celia Rivenbark
The "teacher gift" is something I don't remember growing up with. If we gave our overworked, underpaid teachers anything at all, it was probably an awkward hug and a promise to (snicker snicker) "read a lot over summer." But the teacher gift, like the horrifically named "pushing gift" that is now presented from husband to wife as the bundle of joy is being propelled into a world in which more people vote for "American Idol" contestants than the U.S. president (sad) and offers 182 choices of presweetened breakfast cereal (happy), has become ubiquitous. Today, the teacher gift is yet another area in which we get to do the Mommy Superior dance. It's perilous, though, because it can be like the dough-brained hubby who sends Valentine's flowers to your home instead of the office. It's the age-old philosophical quandary: If a tree falls in the forest and nobody saw the flowers he sent, what good are they? In other words, if you get the teacher gift in too late, no one will know all the time and effort and expense you went to. Except the teacher, which is, I realize, the point, but that doesn't get you anywhere when it comes to Impressing the Other Mommies. You could wonder just how shallow and superficial I am to even care about these things and the answer would be - all together now - "Extremely."
We mommies are a competitive lot, if we're honest enough to admit it. The truth is, we're so competitive that we make Barry Bonds shooting extract of bull testicles into his buttocks every day in hopes of hitting that 714th home run look like mere child's play. This fierce, and completely unnecessary, desire to be the best mommy in the classroom is bigger than us. Why do you think so many moms are turning to meth? Oh, sorry, no. What I meant to say was why do you think so many moms turn to professional party planners and life coaches and group therapy and Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream eaten by the pint in the blue glow of a TV infomercial long after everyone else has gone to sleep? None of this has resolved the question: carwash gift certificate vs. movie tickets? Both seem rather tired and uninspired, though certainly useful. Tell the truth: Don't you miss the days when you could just get away with a hug and a lie? Me, too.
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Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2006, The Sun News (Myrtle Beach, S.C.) Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services |
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