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Jewish World Review June 25, 2004 / 6 Tamuz, 5764

Tom Purcell

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'Clinthog' Day | Sometimes I think it's never going to end. The American nightmare that goes by the name "Clinton" is never going to end.

I knew when he left office, it was only a minor break. I knew they were just getting warmed up. And, boy, was I right. Hillary soon became Senator in New York. She's in the news all the time.

And now the book.

We're in the middle of a war and suddenly we're talking about Monica again. It turns out that his original lie about Monica was also a lie. He lied under oath, apparently, which we now know because he contradicted the lie in his memoirs. Does a lie about a lie cancel out the first lie to create some kind of Clinton truth?

Ah, hell, I can't believe we're going through this again.

I feel like Bill Murray in the movie "Groundhog Day." Murray was a self-centered reporter, who got trapped in time. Every morning he woke, it was the EXACT same morning. He woke every day to Sonny and Cher singing "Babe, I got you, babe..."

And we wake to our own Clinton hell every morning. I fear the residue of the Clinton years will never dry. I worry that the sticky, humid cloud that settled over us will never lift. I tremble at the thought that no matter what we do, no matter how much time passes, it will be Clinthog Day every day.

It's our fault, I know. We elected him. We knew his flaws and we elected him twice. We were fat dumb and happy then. We didn't care about anything but our stock portfolios, so we looked the other way. Then everything went bust, including Clinton. Just ask Kathleen Wiley.

And for our sins we must pay. Again and again and again. It's like when your mother catches you smoking cigarettes, she makes you suffer through the whole pack. We must suffer through more Clinton interviews in which he pretends to be contrite, pretends to be saddened, pretends to be serious, when we know he's just trying to rewrite history and the stain he left on it.

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Clinton is a narcissist, we know. Everything is about him. But he needs us. He needs us to continually affirm the image of himself he is continually trying to recreate. George Will described him better than anyone. Will said that whereas Reagan became president because he needed to do something, Clinton became president because he needed to be something.

That is why he will never go away. He can't. She can't, either. The worst is yet to come with those two. This is why we must work together to advance some very drastic measures.

We must vote for John Kerry.

You heard me. We must set the war on terror aside, and if our lack of resolve causes us to lose, then so be it. And to hell with the economy, which is blossoming, to a large degree, because of Bush's tax cuts. We must vote for Kerry.

Because if Kerry is elected, she won't be able to run for president four years from now. And when Kerry comes up for reelection, we must vote for him again. That will buy us four more years, and hopefully enough time to head off the Clinton's next attempt to wreck the country with their perpetual public presence.

I am not kidding, people. If you thought eight years with Clinton as president were damaging, imagine what he'll will do as First Lady. We'll have to create a Secret Service detail whose mission is not to protect Clinton from the public, but the public from Clinton.

These are the times that really try a man's soul, America. We haven't stayed together in the war on terror, but we must stay together if we ever hope to drive the Clintons from the public consciousness.

Unless you prefer Clinthog Day every day.

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© 2004 Tom Purcell