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Jewish World Review June 30, 2004 / 11 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 packed movie theaters last weekend from coast to coast. The lines go around the block. At twelve dollars a bucket for popcorn, Michael Moore could end up jump-starting the economy and re-electing President Bush.

Illinois was hit by a medium-sized earthquake early Monday that rattled windows and woke up residents in Cook County. The ground shook under Chicago for a good ten seconds. Democratic voters are not happy with the way John Kerry is campaigning.

John Kerry refused to cross a police union picket line in Boston Monday. He needs the police on his side this summer. If the divorce papers from his first marriage are ever unsealed, he may need some help getting Teresa to put down the gun.

John Kerry addressed Jesse Jackson's group in Chicago and La Raza in Phoenix Tuesday. He had to be careful. It would cost him New York and California if he got his notes mixed up and promised jobs to immigrants and citizenship to black people.

Major League Baseball said Monday the new home of the Montreal Expos will be revealed in July. Many are rooting for Las Vegas. Fans will pack the stands every game to see if the white tiger attacks Pete Rose when he brings out the lineup card.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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