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Jewish World Review June 17, 2004 / 28 Sivan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Detroit Pistons beat the Los Angeles Lakers and won the NBA Championship Tuesday. Rebuilding the L.A. team will be tough. The Lakers are an egotistical and spoiled group of pampered prima donnas, so good luck getting any of them out of Los Angeles.

Kobe Bryant was ripped by fans for his refusal to pass the ball to Shaquille O'Neal during the NBA Finals. He should know better. In the NBA, the center is the second-most important position next to hands against the wall with your feet spread.

Tiger Woods said Tuesday he hopes he can control his driving at the U.S. Open this week at the Hamptons. The neighborhood has much wilder drivers. Houses in the Hamptons are built on rollers in order to absorb the next Billy Joel pizza run.

President Bush was very gracious Monday at the ceremony for the unveiling of President Clinton's portrait. He praised Bill Clinton for bringing joy into the Oval Office. Of course, the real achievement was sneaking her out through the window while Monica wasn't looking.

Smarty Jones was in huge demand for stud fees Tuesday after his Triple Crown near-miss at the Belmont. He's being offered fifty thousand dollars per breeding session when he retires. Mark McGwire is wasting his time attending autograph shows.

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