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Jewish World Review June 10, 2004 / 21 Sivan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Ronald Reagan was honored by throngs of mourners who appreciated his leadership and his beliefs and his humor. He made everybody so proud to be an American when he was president. During those eight years, Henry Kissinger spoke without an accent.

John Kerry made an appearance Tuesday at the Ronald Reagan Library. He didn't stay long. Eventually he realized that people who will wait twelve hours in line to pay their respects to a Republican aren't going to give him a nickel no matter how hard he rings the bell.

Homeland Security said Monday that Washington D.C. will go on a heightened alert as soon as President Reagan arrives from California. Fighter jets will patrol the skies over the Capitol. As much as lawmakers love Reagan, they don't want to join him.

The Chicken Ranch in Nevada was put up for sale Monday. It's a brothel whose notoriety has caused a lot of embarrassment. There was a time when a Democrat could tell voters he was born on a chicken ranch without anybody raising an eyebrow.

The Los Angeles Lakers tied their NBA Finals series with the Detroit Pistons Tuesday. It was a total effort by the team. Jack Nicholson was credited with an assist before the game even started when he agreed to read the referee's screenplay.

The United Nations Security Council voted unanimously Tuesday to recognize the new government of Iraq. History was made. It's not the first time they've had freedom of speech in Iraq but it is the first time people may still be around to use it a second time.

John Ashcroft refused to give Democrats copies of Justice Department memos that justified the use of torture on prisoners. He's on firm ground. He believes that the legal precedent is clearly established in the case of Spain versus Heretics.

Don King began a tour sponsored by the GOP to promote President Bush to black voters. He's the right man now. George Bush and John Kerry are such terrible communicators, everybody is hoping he can arrange a presidential boxing match instead of a debate.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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