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Jewish World Review June 7, 2004 / 18 Sivan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Sports Illustrated says co-ed flag football is the new campus rage. Players are down when a flag is grabbed off their hips. The sport allows young women the thrill of playing football and it teaches young men some career-ending office skills.

John Kerry attends a Hollywood gala with Barbra Streisand and Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty tonight. There will be lots of photos taken. No one wants to miss the one event of the year which makes John Kerry look like a man of the people.

George Tenet claimed he quit the CIA for personal reasons Thursday but he is about to be blistered by a Senate report. He's been wrong about everything. Las Vegas bookies just listed the odds of George Tenet ever becoming a Las Vegas bookie as nada.

The Associated Press said Friday that Iraqis pay a nickel a gallon for gasoline in Baghdad. There are no sales taxes, no auto registration fees, no license plates and no car insurance. Arnold Schwarzenegger calls it a Shining City on a Hill.

Bill Clinton began his book tour with a speech to a publishers convention in Chicago Thursday. The audience lapped up every word. He told them that his book is not about settling old scores, nevertheless the forward was written by Wilt Chamberlain.

Bill and Hillary Clinton plan to use the Democratic Convention in Boston this summer as a venue to sell books. They scheduled a joint book-signing to maximize their publicity. And to think they fired Dick Morris for consorting with prostitutes.

The Los Angeles Lakers play the Detroit Pistons in the NBA Finals. Detroit manufactures the SUVs that Californians drive all day. Asking a Saudi Arabian to pick a team in this series is like asking a mother to choose which son gets to live.

John Kerry flew to Minneapolis Thursday to speak at the University of Minnesota on Friday. He's a big favorite in the Twin Cities. People cannot hear him give a speech without remembering just how much they loved him as Ted Baxter on the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

NBC News interviewed O.J. Simpson on the tenth anniversary of his wife's death Friday. It was shocking. If a fortune teller had announced to the world before the murder that a USC All-American and NFL Hall-of-Fame running back was about to kill his wife, most people logically would have assumed it would be Frank Gifford.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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