Jewish World Review June 13, 2003 / 13 Sivan, 5763

Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann
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Consumer Reports

The No. 1 story is No. 2: The poop on America and its bathrooms | The Roto-Rooter plumbing and sewer repair people say they have commissioned a survey about Americans and their toilets. Giving no sample size, but claiming to have jiggled neither the handle nor the results, the company claims to have learned the following:

  • ONE, more than half of women spend an hour or more in the bathroom trying to get ready. For men, 75 spend less than an hour to get ready. It's unclear if the respondents knew what they were getting ready for.

  • Two, 70 percent say they've experienced a-quote-"unforgettable moment in the bathroom," such as making love or getting engaged. "Moment. " We're confident that isn't a misspelling? By the way, about getting engaged in a toilet, I think it appropriate to mention that, in England, the equivalent of the sign outside a toilet on an American aircraft that reads "occupied," in England, it reads, "engaged."

  • Back to our survey: 20 percent retreat to the bathroom to hide from the kids, their spouses or daily stress. Where was dad when you were growing up? In the bathroom.

  • And, fourth, this priceless piece of information: 18 percent of men admit they have clogged the toilet at a friend's home. There is no subcategory on this to indicate what percentage of that 18 percent clogged it deliberately.

So there it is — the poop on America and its bathrooms. And, yes, ladies, they also did ask the question. And, yes, ladies, they found that 30 percent of the men still forget to put the seat down after using the toilet. Now, when you say, put the seat down, do you mean the cover or the ringy thing with the whole in the middle?

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The writer hosts MSNBC's “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.” The news program, dedicated to all of the day’s top stories, telecasts weeknights, 8-9 p.m. ET. Comment by clicking here.

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