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• When ya gotta go ... At 4:40 p.m. on March 4, Kenneth Clark Carlyle, 64, walked up his neighbor's driveway in his birthday suit and relieved himself, No. 2 style, on the neighbor's glass patio table, The Smoking Gun reported.
The whole thing was caught on not one, but two "separate angles of the victim's home security video footage," the police report noted.
Clearwater, Florida, officers arrived at Carlyle's RV camper, where they spoke to him "through the door ... and he was still visibly naked and highly uncooperative."
The bond on this incident is $250, but he was already in trouble from a December infraction, so he remains in the pokey. [Smoking Gun, 3/7/2022]