June 27th, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published May 16, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
Tom Brady signed with Fox Sports for three hundred and seventy-five million dollars to broadcast NFL games after he retires. He is one resourceful guy. In addition to being the only quarterback in history to win seven Super Bowls, he's also the only American today managing to stay ahead of inflation.

The Washington Post advised Biden to watch a Seinfeld episode when Jerry urges Costanza to do the opposite of what his instincts tell him to do and he becomes a success. It's bound to work. On Thursday Biden cancels oil leases in Alaska and the gulf amid fears that gas prices aren't high enough.

President Biden received his lowest approval rating ever at thirty-eight percent in the Monmouth Poll on Thursday. However Joe Biden is serenely unconcerned about the day's low approval rating. He's counting on midnight approval from Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Georgia to put him over the top.

The Monmouth Poll Thursday said just nineteen percent of Americans think we're headed in the right direction. Yet our ability to adjust to calamity is heroic and ingenious. Starving American babies are disguising themselves as Ukrainian soldiers in the hope of getting forty billion dollars in Federal aid.

Senate Republicans urged Biden to cancel tariffs on baby formula made in China to restock our empty shelves. Meanwhile the White House is flying pallets of baby formula to the border. American mothers just need to go to Mexico and swim back across the Rio Grande in time for the midnight feeding.

The Labor Department reported the Producer Price Index soared in April at an annual rate of eleven percent, much of it coming from food prices and the price of shipping food. Groceries are so expensive there's a super-market near me that rents meat. Let's be honest, it's cheaper to eat money.

Fox News reports that a Florida-bound Cessna passenger who never flew a plane before radioed SOS for help when his pilot passed out. He landed the plane safely as the tower guided him carefully through the Lord's Prayer. The air traffic controller sure picked the right week to give up sniffing glue.

The FBI reported a huge spike in crime this year in the nation's inner cities Tuesday. It was all over the news this week that rapper Young Thug was arrested in Atlanta for racketeering and gang activity. My question is, if Young Thug gets found not guilty, how will he ever get his good name back?

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President Biden gave an impassioned speech to farmers in downstate Illinois Wednesday, vowing his support for farmers and blasting Republicans for backing agribusinesses that reduce family farming acreage. There was a reason it sounded like a re-election campaign speech. Joe thought he was in Iowa.

Elon Musk set off a firestorm on the Left Tuesday by inviting Donald Trump to return to Twitter and post his thoughts freely in case he decides to run against President Biden. Hollywood can see it all coming. The next Transformers movie set for release this fall is titled Ultra Maga vs. Dementia Tron.

The New York Stock Exchange continued sliding Monday as well as corrections in the NASDAQ tech stocks averages. The panicking sell-off reminded analysts of the frenzied toilet paper shortage two years ago. During the era of Covid Americans are either dumping their stocks or stocking for dumps.

The New York Times warned its readers that if Elon Musk is allowed to take over Twitter, women and people of color will suffer the most. It just never ends. If the next virus pandemic threatened to kill all white men, the New York Times would say that women and people of color would suffer the most.