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Jewish World Review May 31, 2021 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The American Heart Association will hold Heart Walks in July to promote heart health. I was in New York the only time I thought I was having a heart attack, when I experienced a shooting pain in my left arm. A doctor examined me, and sure enough, he told me I'd been shot in the left arm.
• Governor Newsom announced that California kids will return to in-school learning this fall. But the literature they'll be allowed to read is heavily censored. The first book banned in California's grade school libraries is Dr. Seuss's newest book, There is Disorder at the Border by Executive Order.
• Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot blamed racist white reporters for the city's image problem. How hilarious. Your city has an image problem when drivers in Albuquerque see a Walgreen's marquee that reads Get Shot Here, and they double-check their GPS just to make SURE they're not in Chicago.
• Ohio awarded a million dollar jackpot a well as a full college scholarship to the lucky winners of Ohio's vaccination lottery. The nation is rapidly approaching herd immunity. One of the reasons why America leads the world in number of vaccinations is because we know how to do mass shootings.
• The White House and Senate negotiation over the infrastructure bill Friday points to the need to improve our roads, bridges and recreational facilities. The IOC just ordered L.A. to upgrade our target shooting venue for the 2028 Olympic Games. What's wrong with the freeways we already have?
• Variety noted a silence in Hollywood on the anniversary of China's brutal crackdown on democracy in Hong Kong. Until recently, in order to make it in Hollywood, you had to get rid of your dignity and let Harvey Weinstein have his way with you. Today it's the same, only with China.
• President Biden ordered a ninety-day intelligence review to see if Covid came from a Chinese lab as the Washington Post alleged. It's also possible it came from human-animal contact. When residents of Wuhan City see the Bat Signal flashed in the sky at night, they know that dinner is ready.
• China issued a statement Thursday closing out all possibilities of the international community investigating to see if the virus originated in its virology lab in Wuhan, insisting it was infected bat-to-human contact. And the Chinese never lie. These facts have been checked by Chinese Checkers.
• China declared it won't cooperate with the World Health Organization or any countries trying to trace the origin of the virus to China's virology institute. The entire world is angry at them. The dog just voted least likely to win the next Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is the Chinese Lab.
• Homeland Security announced with a straight face that the U.S. border with Mexico is secured. Coyotes are charging Guatemalans ten thousand dollars apiece to smuggle them into the United States. The good news is, at that price, at least we're getting people with good credit scores. • Critical Race Theory began being taught to returning students in Maryland Friday as parents protested angrily. It teaches that the Anglo-Saxons stole Texas from the Mexicans. After living in L.A. for forty-five years, I believe the Battle of the Alamo was a dispute between dry wall contractors. • President Biden asked the intelligence agencies to ascertain if Covid started in a Wuhan lab or from an infected bat in a Chinese wet market near the lab. In addition Biden boasted that under his direction, half of Americans are now vaccinated. Yes, but that's thanks largely to the mail-in shots. • Senate Democrats vowed to pass the Infrastructure Bill by a simple majority vote if the GOP senators don't accept their terms. Senate Democrats may have a tough time rounding up the tie- breaking vote. Elizabeth Warren is not allowed to enter the country due to the travel ban on Indians.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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