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Jewish World Review May 6, 2021 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Variety reports the virus shutdown caused a ratings boom for Nostalgia TV by viewers looking for happier times. I believe those old shows are watching us, too. Last week, the cast of Gilligan's Island received a note in a bottle warning them to stay where they are because the U.S. has gone crazy.
• The Federalist Society released a survey measuring American patriotism and found the South is the most patriotic region in the United States. The love of country is as natural as breathing in the South. I was glad to see that no horses kneeled before the National Anthem at the Kentucky Derby.
• Wall Street celebrated Monday as the Dow Jones average hit a new high having soared twenty percent. The stock market is not the only game of chance that's fueling people's desire to acquire. I already made up my mind if I hit the Powerball, I'm going to Home Depot and buying a two-by-four.
• Los Angeles had no Covid deaths Monday prompting officials to announce L.A. will completely reopen after Memorial Day. I wish everyone would stop asking me when this pandemic is going to end and when are things going to get back to normal. I'm a comedian, not a Teacher's Union official.
• California corrections officials said seventy-six thousand prisoners may be paroled under new guidelines. That's two-thirds of California's prison population. Governor Newsom is letting everyone out of prison except the guy who smoked a menthol cigarette through a plastic straw at a Trump rally.
• The CIA released a recruiting video that focuses on racial and gender equity in hiring to try to recruit woke young people. It's a recent idea. Last year MGM considered casting a black James Bond, but they realized the action would be too slow because he gets pulled over every fifteen minutes.
• Bill Gates this week followed in the steps of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos who also got divorced after a long marriage this past year. It's not easy being master of the universe. Bill Gates wants to track every person with a micro-chip, but he also wants you to respect his privacy at this difficult time.
• The New York Post reports the ex-wives of tech giants could become a powerful social and economic force in America. I bet otherwise. I say watch for Steve Jobs' widow Laurene Powell, McKenzie Bezos and Melinda Gates to star in their new reality series The Real Housewives of Peel Me a Grape.
• The Washington Times says the Air Force is spending six billion dollars on the new Air Force One by Boeing which will be tested and ready in three years. It's an amazing plane. The new Air Force One will get Biden back from where he went faster than he can forget he had gone somewhere. • President Biden was shown in a photograph Tuesday posing in a Georgia living room with Jimmy Carter and Rosalynn Carter and his wife Jill Biden. At least I think it was them, you can't be sure. The fact that the photo was posted by Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum makes me wonder. • President Biden in Georgia posed without his mask with Jimmy Carter then went outside and wore his mask where it's not needed. Joe needs to keep doing goofy things and stop trying to sound profound in order to stay popular with his fans. People don't watch porn to shop for nurse uniforms. • The U.S. Navy SEALs held a ceremony marking the tenth anniversary of the SEALs killing Osama Bin Laden. It took the U.S. a trillion-dollar war we're still in, plus ten years of phone surveillance, satellite tracking and ground intelligence to track down bin Laden. We finally found him in his home.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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