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Jewish World Review May 27, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The DEA reports that during the last three months of the Covid-19 epidemic, the opioid epidemic has been surpassed by the meth epidemic, and drug users have begun demanding special status. Due to that, it's now politically incorrect to refer to tweakers as tweakers. They prefer Methican-American.
• President Trump played golf for the first time in months Saturday after he flew to Palm Beach for the holiday. Young weekend reporters know little about the game. CNN demanded the 25th Amendment be invoked and that Trump be removed from office when the AP stated he had 82 strokes.
• Fox News aired footage of jam-packed beaches in Venice, California, Ocean City, Maryland, Coney Island New York, and hotel pool parties in Missouri on Monday. We are people who need sun. My legs are so white they just demanded to speak to whoever's in charge of this quarantine thing.
• President Trump was ripped by the New York Daily News for flying down to Florida Saturday, asserting that he was golfing while Americans were dying. Sixty-seven people died in Chicago over the weekend from Covid-19-related gunshot wounds. They will all still vote by mail in November.
• Joe Biden spoke with CNBC Friday, where he promised to be himself as president and that his record will speak for itself. Joe Biden then looked the camera in the eye and vowed he will beat Joe Biden. Biden also addressed his VP short list on Memorial Day and he thanked them for their cervix.
• Joe Biden left home for the first time in two months Monday to give a Memorial Day speech at a veterans' shrine in his home city of Wilmington, Delaware. It was good to see Joe outside but he didn't look so good. Biden paid a visit to a graveyard, but he had to produce an ID in order to get out.
• Joe Biden apologized for his racial remarks on The Breakfast Club on Friday and to its huge black radio audience. Joe told them if you don't vote Biden, you ain't black. It may be the most eloquent moment in history of black-white dialogue since Barbara Billingsley spoke jive in the movie Airplane.
• The Weather Channel reported violent storms off the Indian Ocean ravaging the subcontinent this past week. High winds and flooding caused extensive damage to the economy. A cyclone laid waste to a big swath of northeast India, leaving three hundred million Americans without tech support.
• Foreigner will launch its Juke Box Heroes tour with a rock concert in Albuquerque this July and will play their greatest hits. Talk about irony. All fans who attend the show are being warned that their temperatures will be taken at the door, and if they are Hot-Blooded they will be denied entry.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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