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Jewish World Review May 27, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Sacramento Bee reports that California legislators are working on revolutionary health legislation that gives illegal aliens health care coverage. In fact, it would give illegal aliens the same health care coverage available to Californians. If that doesn't get them to leave, nothing will.
• Taiwan confirmed reports that Taiwan will soon become the first Asian country in the world to ban people from eating household pets. The timing of the announcement was a little off. Taiwan was going to make the announcement earlier but somebody let the cat out of the bag.
• Consumer Reports says the booming economy is resulting in rising wages and more disposable income. We're not quite in the black yet. A new study shows that most Americans would have no difficulty making ends meet if it weren't for one extravagance, keeping a government on the side.
• U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez decreed the correct vegetables for working people to grow in community gardens. She said not to grow cauliflower because it represents colonialism and thus is a white vegetable. So is Joe Biden, senorita, and he's leading by twenty points in the polls.
• The UN Commission on Human Rights blasted the practice of human trafficking in the Third World as evil beyond description. The commission reported that in the Sudan you can buy a slave for the price of an iPod. That may be true, but try to get one to remember four thousand songs for you.
• The Times of India reports that Hindu sacred cow vigilantes are murdering Muslims in the Kashmir region for trafficking in black market beef sales in a country whose Hindu majority holds cows to be sacred. India has a Bill of Rights for cows. So does the U.S. but we call it the Dollar Menu.
• Advertising Age predicts four billion dollars will be spent on political ads the next two years. When I was 12, political ads warned if you voted for Goldwater, we would get a ground war in Vietnam and race riots. Forty million Americans voted for Goldwater and the ads turned out to be right on the nose.
• The New York Post reports a cross-dressing man wearing a dress and brassiere was arrested robbing a bank on Staten Island. It's another reminder of the ultra-sensitive world we now inhabit. Jack Kennedy was wearing a corset when he was shot, so today his death would also be a hate crime.
• The Chicago Tribune reported down-state Illinois legislators drew up a bill allowing the state of Illinois to separate from the city of Chicago. It's a bad influence. Illinois is the only state in the union where the governor rides around in a limo bearing license plates made by the previous governor.
• The Senate and House went home for the Memorial Day holiday weekend amid alarming new polls saying Congress's approval rating is only sixteen percent. Count me in. For his birthday this year, I'm buying my Congressman a Tourette's Alarm Clock, and is he ever in for a rude awakening.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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