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Republicans in the House of Representatives voted to repeal and replace Obamacare Thursday by a razor-thin margin and now the bill will go to the Senate for review and re-writes. The naming rights are already settled. Obamacare is dead and it's been replaced by Trumpcare Hotel and Casino.
• Steven Colbert refused to apologize Wednesday for his vulgar rant against President Trump in the previous night's monologue. Colbert will cool off. Men of French ancestry are always testy as Cinco de Mayo approaches when the world is reminded that the French couldn't even defeat Mexico.
• The Labor Department reported Wednesday that job safety will be a top priority in the Trump Administration. It's not always possible. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that the three most dangerous jobs in the U.S. are logger, fishing worker and tail gunner on a Nike truck in Chicago.
• North Korea warned visitors Friday not to leave Bibles behind in their hotel rooms or they will be arrested for subversion. The world's most sacred texts must be respected. For Christians, it is the Bible, for Jews, it is the Torah, for Muslims it is the Koran, and for Americans, it is the Menu.
• The U.S. government and Turkey squared off Friday over Turkey's bombing Kurds in northern Syria who have been fighting ISIS. It's a nasty world. I was going to write a joke ripping Radical Islam over all their beheadings, then suddenly I remembered my church was founded by Henry VIII.
• Fox News aired a video of a fight that broke out between passengers Friday on a Tokyo-to-Los Angeles flight. Whatever happened to airline service? First the airlines stopped serving food, then they started overbooking flights, now passengers have to physically assault themselves on-board the plane.
• FBI Director Jim Comey went before a Senate Committee Wednesday and apologized for last year's Hillary e-mail probes and stood by them at the same time. It swayed no votes. In last year's election, Hillary was the Mounds bar and Trump was Almond Joy, and sometimes you feel like a nut.
• FBI Director Jim Comey told the Senate it made him mildly nauseous to think his probe might have affected the presidential election. It didn't. Last year Hillary lost an election in which any idiot could have defeated Donald Trump, but Hillary Clinton showed the world that she's not just any idiot.
• President Trump had a lengthy phone conversation with Russian president Vladimir Putin this week. It was partially successful. Trump and Putin agreed on the need to defeat ISIS in Syria and to de-nuclearize North Korea, but they're still squabbling over who gets custody of Mike Flynn.
• The Daily Mail interviewed military experts Wednesday who said North Korea has a current active and reserved military of seven million soldiers. The U.S. only has a combined force of two million soldiers. So if it came to war, the Americans would outweigh the North Koreans three-to-one.
• President Trump hosted Palestinian Authority leader Mahmoud Abbas at the White House Wednesday. As always, the U.S. offered to help negotiate peace. We have the PLO negotiating under Islamic law, the Israelis negotiating under Judaic law, and America negotiating under Murphy's Law.
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The University of California at Berkeley announced Tuesday that its language department will offer a course teaching students how to speak Dothraki. That's the fictional language in the HBO series Game of Thrones. It's a required course if you want to get B.A. in Disappointing Your Parents.
• The Justice Department expressed alarm at this year's murder rate in Chicago, which is now running ahead of last year's record murder rate. The locals are getting acclimated to it. Yesterday there was a full-page spread in the Chicago Sun-Times for a gun shop advertising a Mother's Day sale.
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