|
|
|
Jewish World Review May 26, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama opened his first Twitter account and got a million Twitter followers in just five hours. This could kill him. If he thought defeating ISIS, combating climate change and passing Obamacare was tough, wait till he tries to write a good joke in less than a hundred and forty characters.
• The Detroit Auto Show began selling tickets to its week-long January showcase of concept cars, luxury cars and high-technology electric cars. Detroit auto engineers announced on Friday they have just invented a car that runs on water. Unfortunately, it only runs on water off the Santa Barbara coast.
• The Pentagon Inspector General reported that Air Force pilots are using U.S. government credit cards at Vegas casinos, bars and strip clubs. It's a security test. History teaches us that any Air Force pilot who drinks, gambles and goes to strip clubs and doesn't hijack a plane the next day is one of ours.
• President Obama was asked by the Atlantic Thursday after the fall of Ramadi if the U.S. is losing to ISIS. He insisted that we're defeating the enemy. Ever since Obama withdrew all the tanks, artillery and attack helicopters, the level of greenhouse gases over Iraq is lower than it's been in twenty-five years.
• Fox News announced it will limit the number of GOP candidates in the first debate in August to ten. Fox will average five polls to determine which ten of the two dozen candidates will get to state their case before the nation. It's the same formula the networks plan to use for the Bill Cosby civil trial.
• Senator Rand Paul staged a ten-hour filibuster against the renewal of the Patriot Act Thursday, saying the NSA's bulk surveillance of American citizens' activities is unconstitutional. However, many disagree. Los Angeles is the only city in the world which thinks the NSA doesn't watch us enough.
• Norwegian Cruise Lines passengers were reported in excellent shape after the ship ran aground in the Caribbean and stalled for two days. Other voyages weren't so lucky. Last year on Carnival, a dozen comedians were laid off from working the after-dinner show and replaced by gastroenterologists.
• New York women said in a poll they'd rather live in Manhattan during the time of Mad Men in the Sixties than today. It was a different world. The difference between now and fifty years ago is, today you shout at the drug store clerk for some condoms and you whisper if you'd like a pack of cigarettes.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
