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Jewish World Review May 5, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The Price Is Right hosted by Drew Carey is going to spend a week taping shows in Baltimore to try to show support for the beleaguered city. It promises to be a lot of fun. The contestants will try to come closest to guessing the actual retail price of the merchandise they've just looted without going over.
• Baltimore state's attorney Marilyn Mosby filed charges against the six police officers involved in the arrest of Freddie Gray Friday. The rioting pointed to a larger national problem. As a nation, we need to provide more job opportunities for the unemployed so they don't resort to running for president.
• Baltimore filed charges against the six cops, citing facts not contained in the Washington Post's storyline. They're setting up the re-match. The city will get a billion to rebuild after the rioting over the death of a black man in police custody, but they'll get ten billion after the rioting over their acquittal.
• Michelle Obama made the talk show rounds in New York to push her Healthy Eating initiative and school exercise program. She says she planted a garden at the White House to show how easy it is for you to grow your own food. All you need is water, sunlight and fifty full-time federal employees.
• The NFL draft was held for three days in Chicago last weekend as the league restocked on new talent. There are new rules to learn. Starting this fall, it is illegal to push a teammate at the line of scrimmage on punts and field goals, and if that works, they're going to start cracking down on murder.
• Universal Studios released a trailer for the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey which will premiere in December. It's about a co-ed who signs a lucrative agreement to allow a billionaire to whip her on demand. Just based on the trailer, the Saudi Arabia Times is calling it the Feel Good Movie of the Year.
• Hillary Clinton ripped her husband Bill's tough-on-crime law he pushed when he was president Tuesday and slammed his welfare reforms. She said it ushered in the age of incarceration. Bill's mother told him when he was a boy that you can tell a lot about a girl by the way she slashes your tires.
• Jameis Winston angered the NFL when was chosen number one Thursday by posting a photo of himself holding up crab legs he grabbed from the fridge. He was caught stealing crab legs from a local grocery store last year. Leave it to Jameis Winston to react to the chaos in Baltimore by looting himself.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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