|
|
|
Jewish World Review May 29, 2013 / 20 Sivan, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
•
President Obama called for an end to the War on Terror in his speech Thursday and urged Congress to revoke the war declaration. Who surrendered? Evidence from last weekend clearly shows that al-Qaeda hates the West the way Liberace hated Casual Friday.
•
Senator Lindsay Graham called for a special prosecutor to probe the IRS targeting of conservatives during the election. Don't forget Hollywood's role. TCM ran a golf movie marathon on Election Day that kept conservatives glued to their TV sets til the polls closed.
•
A Royal Caribbean liner to the Caribbean islands had a fire Sunday, forcing passengers to wake up, don their life jackets and head for the life boats. The whole trip was a little odd. Thanks to British Petroleum, the Caribbean now has two islands, Self-Service and Full.
•
The U.S. Department of Education is reviewing a recent study that suggested different menus and different exercises for boys and girls in U.S. schools to fight obesity. The study claims that male fat is different than female fat. It's true, male fat is canceled out by wealth.
•
Psychology Today said that workers should go iPhone-free when they go on vacation this summer. The gadgets chain people to their jobs. So many people are forced by their iPhone access to work for free and on their own time, the top-requested ringtone is Old Man River.
•
An Air Alaska passenger tried to open the emergency door and leave the plane while it was in the air. He tried to walk out at thirty thousand feet. Let this serve as a warning to distributors attending the Cannes Film Festival that lesbian love scenes aren't for everyone.
•
Kim Jung Un promoted himself to marshal of North Korea's armed forces Friday. The young dictator is a great believer in his own military prowess. Last week, Kim Jung Un glued suction cups on the back of all his army medals so he could wear them when he's in in the bathtub.
•
Hollywood enjoyed its biggest Memorial Day movie box office total on Monday with three hundred twenty million dollars in tickets sold. What a racket. The worst movie ever made went straight to the video stores after its opening weekend, but not before it bought the producer a really nice house.
•
Homeland Security proposed slapping an entrance fee on everybody who drives into the United States from Canada Friday. The last time the U.S. insulted Canada like this, the Canadians burned down the White House. It just makes the GOP silence on this idea all the more suspicious.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
