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Jewish World Review May 7, 2013 / 27 Iyar, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Google Glass developers announced Thursday the glasses will be able to take photos with a wink of an eye. The photos and video you take with the eyeglasses go directly to the Internet. Bill Clinton has wished for the last time that he was twenty years younger.
• President Obama flew to Mexico for meetings on trans-national issues Thursday. He hailed the success of U.S. businesses operating in Mexico. Last year in Mexico City over one hundred thousand people went to Borders thinking they'd found a short cut to Tucson.
• Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts threatened to move the Cubs out of Wrigley Field if the city doesn't let him have a six-thousand-square-foot scoreboard. These are the Cubs. Don't you need to score runs before you need a six-thousand-square-foot scoreboard?
• Washington Wizard Jason Collins became the first pro basketball player in history to come out of the closet and admit he is gay Monday. All around the country, sports fans were shocked. Nobody had any idea that the Washington Wizards play pro basketball.
• Kim Jung Un announced he'll build an amusement park in Pyongyang this year that incudes a replica of London's Big Ben clock and the Eiffel Tower. He has a knack for business. He expects that the ride where you fly little planes into them could be very popular.
• Boston cops arrested two illegal aliens from Kazakhstan for helping the Tsarnaevs cover up after the bombing. The Central Asian country is rich in oil and a hotbed of dissent. You don't have to be a petroleum engineer to know that's grounds for an invasion.
• Swedish cops uncovered marijuana and a stun gun hidden inside Justin Bieber's tour bus in Stockholm. It's the same old story. Another nineteen-year-old kid has built up such a tolerance to pot that it requires a stun gun to give him the giggles and the munchies.
• Robert Redford is starring in The Company You Keep about the violent underground anti-war protesters in the Sixties and what became of them today. They're still active. University of Chicago professor and former Weather Underground bomber Bill Ayers just applied to teach at U-Mass Dartmouth so he can work with any remaining subversives.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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