Jewish World Review May 31, 2007 / 14 Sivan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Donald Trump announced Friday he's leaving NBC's The Apprentice because he's tired of giving career advice to young people. Some of his advice wasn't all that good anyway. Donald Trump once advised Michael Vick that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick may be summoned to the commissioner's office over dog-fighting charges. It's a huge counseling challenge. The commissioner must somehow get it through the head of the biggest ego in the NFL that even Hitler loved dogs.
Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving in Beverly Hills Friday. The next morning she was photographed coming out of a club, throwing up in the bushes and passing out in the car. What everyone in Los Angeles wouldn't give to be twenty again.
Miss USA Rachel Smith was booed by a Mexico City audience at the Miss Universe Pageant Monday. It was one tough crowd. The only part of the pageant they liked was when Miss Mexico cut through a chain link fence with her teeth in the talent contest.
The Department of Health said a strain of drug-resistant tuberculosis has come into the United States with an airline passenger from France. You can't make it up. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse for the immigration reform bill, drug-resistant tuberculosis flies into the country and nobody at the airport can stop it.
Russia tested a new intercontinental ballistic missile Tuesday which Kremlin officials say can penetrate any U.S. defense system. We're at its mercy. Russia's new missile flies into the Palm Restaurant in Washington D.C., tells you to look outside at that really hot-looking chick, and then poisons your soup while your head's turned.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton