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Jewish World Review May 23, 2005 / 14 Iyar, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Saddam's underwear photo caused panic in the Middle East
Friday. The speaker of the Iranian parliament found himself
checking out the male enhancement ads in the back pages of Hustler
magazine. A wise leader always keeps one eye on posterity.
President Bush was the target of a grenade that didn't go
off in Tblisi last weekend. His legendary luck prevailed when it
turned out that the grenade had a faulty blasting cap. It's the
last time the terrorists buy explosives made in China.
Bill Clinton, while in Rome Friday, stopped by Vatican City
for a meeting with Roman Catholic cardinals there. He met with the
clergy for about an hour. It must have been just a social visit
because that's not near enough time for his confession.
The White House announced the G-8 Summit will be held this
year in Scotland in early July. It's only a week before the
British Open at nearby St. Andrews. All the world leaders are glad
they hired Tom DeLay's staff to be the event coordinator.
Democratic Party chair Howard Dean said Friday Tom DeLay may
wind up in jail over allegations of corruption. It was the same
old rant. He said he's going to go to Leavenworth, then Sing Sing,
then San Quentin, then he screamed like a banshee.
Senator Bill Frist plans to go to the nuclear option today
to get Republican judges confirmed. How ugly is it going to get?
Ted Kennedy is racking his brain trying to remember if he ever
stood in front of the picture window in his underwear.
Milwaukee voted on Thursday to legalize beer drinking at
tailgate parties in the parking lot at Miller Park for all Brewers
home games. The team has never even been to the World Series.
Milwaukee is a drinking town with a baseball problem.
The White House proposed a new law Thursday allowing the FBI
to track the U.S. mail of people in terrorism investigations.
Somebody must figure that slow and steady wins the race. If the 9-11
plotters had used the mail to communicate their plans to attack the
Twin Towers, we would all be living in a post 3-11 world.
Disneyland celebrated all weekend to observe the fiftieth
anniversary of the theme park in Southern California. They do a
great job of keeping the park up-to-date and current. Tomorrowland
has been turned into a scale model of Mexico City.
Los Angeles boiled Thursday after desert winds sent
temperatures into triple digits. Firefighters are on alert.
Nothing changed on Los Angeles freeways, where the fire season
always follows the ready season and the aim season by a few seconds.
Indianapolis Pacer Reggie Miller retired Thursday as fans
cried. That sums up the NBA. Reggie Miller spent eighteen years
starting fights with other players and trading insults with
opposing fans and he's the league's Ambassador of Goodwill.
Richard Nixon's son-in-law Edward Cox may run against
Hillary for U.S. Senate in New York. This will be great for
tourism. People from all around the country will flock to New York
to watch Bill Clinton's wife battle Darth Vader's son-in-law.
Bill Clinton admits in the paperback edition of My Life that
his book is too long. It's a legal disclaimer. Last year two
bookstore clerks were killed when the nine-hundred-page hardcover
edition fell off the high shelf and landed on them.
Larry King was told Thursday he will not be allowed to
testify in the Michael Jackson trial when the judge ruled that the
CNN talk show host is irrelevant. He'll be sorry. Someday the
judge will have a death in the family and need a place for the
tribute and the relevance of Larry King will be very clear to him.
Porn star and former governor of California candidate Mary
Carey will attend a big GOP fundraising dinner in Washington D.C.
next month. Democrats are upset. If Republicans learn how to make
money with a website the Democratic Party is finished.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton |
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