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Jewish World Review May 16, 2005 / 7 Iyar, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Pentagon announced a major round of military base
closings Friday. Bases in Louisiana and Georgia and Mississippi
are shutting down. It should greatly comfort Iraq to see that the
Yankees never stay longer than one hundred forty years.
Berlin witnessed the conviction Tuesday of a German man who
committed murder and cannibalism on unsuspecting victims. He went
undetected for years. Anytime he was hungry he simply called
Domino's, not for the pizza but for the delivery guy.
Newt Gingrich and Hillary Clinton together offered a bill
Wednesday to force all hospitals to use the same medical records
systems. It's so sad. Ten years ago they were both leading
revolutions and today they're shilling for software companies.
New York filling station owners complained Thursday about
the high price of gasoline. They say their customers have no money
left to buy cigarettes and candy. Social Security will really be
in a mess when high gas prices cause everyone to live to be a
hundred.
Congress announced Thursday it will hold more hearings on
steroid use in pro sports. The pressure isn't letting up. By the
time this is over, Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds will have to cut
an album together if they want their names on any records.
Shaquille O'Neal in USA Today Monday blasted Los Angeles as
a fake place where rich old men date twenty-year-old girls. The
L.A. Chamber of Commerce just asked a judge to slap a gag order on
him. There are already too many people living out here.
Los Angeles last week erupted in gunfights between
carjackers and cops along with the usual car chases and freeway
shootings. It's insane. The nice thing is, once you have been shot
three times on the local news you qualify for AFTRA medical.
Mexican President Vicente Fox said Thursday he will formally
protest the clampdown on illegal immigration in the United States.
He knows the stakes are high. If Mexicans come flooding across the
border into Mexico it could overwhelm his schools and hospitals.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton |
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