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Jewish World Review May 6, 2005 / 27 Nissan, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks vowed to get help Thursday.
She's erratic and bug-eyed and rail-thin and she went nuts at the
idea of marrying a Sunday school teacher. Four times this past
year e-Harmony tried to fix her up with Charlie Sheen.
Texas legislators in Austin introduced a bill Tuesday to
require high school cheerleading routines to be less sexy. The
pom-pom routines are out of hand. Of the ten top high school
cheerleading squads in the Southwest, six work with poles.
American Idol judge Paula Abdul, it was revealed Thursday,
had a sexual affair with male contestant Corey Clark. It's his own
fault. When he applied to be on the show he never should have
listed his favorite hobby as sleeping under the stars.
President Bush told Latvia today he didn't support the
Soviet domination of Eastern Europe. Monday he will be in Moscow
celebrating the Soviet military victory that led to the Soviet
domination of Eastern Europe. Seismologists are nervous about how
the San Andreas fault will react to Ronald Reagan spinning in his grave.
President Bush will be in Moscow Monday to honor the Soviet
victory over Germany. He will watch Red Army veterans parade by
his reviewing stand in front of Lenin's Tomb. Republicans can't
remind Democrats enough that universal health care is dead.
The U.S. Mint honored the legendary Chief Justice John
Marshall on Thursday by stamping his face on a brand-new silver
dollar. He wrote the Marbury vs. Madison decision in 1803 allowing
federal courts to overturn laws passed by Congress. When someone
explains this to Tom DeLay the coins will never be allowed out of
the vault.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton |
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