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Jewish World Review May 2, 2005 / 23 Nissan, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Wynn Hotel and Casino held its grand opening on the Las
Vegas Strip last week. This is the most expensive and elegant
hotel ever built in Las Vegas. The casino is so beautiful that
George Hamilton has been hired to train the legbreakers.
Bellamy Road owned by George Steinbrenner is favored to
capture the Kentucky Derby Saturday. The horse has been running
beautifully. The New York Yankees have also been playing a lot
better since he threatened to send them to the glue factory.
The NCAA on Thursday approved letting colleges add a twelfth
football game next year. The schools get an extra four million
dollars and the players make nothing. Football players used to
study basket weaving and now they major in globalization.
Former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura's top strategist
joined the Texas governor campaign of independent Kinky Friedman
on Friday. He should help. Jesse Ventura became a big success in
politics after he was fired by professional wrestling for overacting.
Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman gave a speech in
Cleveland on Friday and accused the Democrats of reactionary
liberalism. Why the ten dollar phrasing? It is so much simpler to
call Hillary a socialist with a lamp in her hand.
John Bolton was ripped by Democrats Friday as his U.N.
nomination wavered. Many are alarmed he might be confirmed. If he
gets the U.N. job there will be notices posted all over the Upper
East Side that a neo-con is moving into the neighborhood.
President Bush held hands with Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah
and kissed him on Tuesday. Two days later he declared he has done
everything he can do to lower gasoline prices. He will bend over
backward for the American people but not forward.
CNN anchor Judy Woodruff announced Thursday on Inside
Politics she will step down as host of her daily political show.
She's known throughout Washington as an eminently fair reporter
who covers both sides of every story. So she had to go.
Hillary Clinton got the Defense Intelligence Agency chief to
admit Thursday that North Korea has the ability to arm a missile
with a nuclear device. She's worried they could reach the West
Coast. She already has those states in her column.
Indian casinos, it was announced Friday, took in eighteen
billion dollars last year. New tribes are coming out of the
woodwork. The Illinois gaming commission just turned down three
applications from a tribe that calls itself the Chicagahoes.
Newt Gingrich on Wednesday scoffed at people who doubt his
electability should he decide to run for president in three years.
So what if he was compromised by an adulterous affair with his
House staffer? Politics is the art of the compromise.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton |
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