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Jewish World Review May 20, 2004 / 29 Iyar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The IOC voted on Monday to allow transsexuals to compete in the Olympics. The rules are very strict. You must have had two years of post-op hormone therapy in order to qualify or have a signed affidavit from your pimp in the French Quarter.

The Energy Department said Monday the average price of a gallon of gasoline hit two dollars. Prices are at a record high for meat, bread and milk. It's so bad that John Kerry's personal shopper had to be treated last week for an arched eyebrow.

John Kerry campaigned alongside Howard Dean in Portland Monday. The crowd of four thousand Democrats screamed and yelled when Howard Dean took the stage. When Senator Kerry took the stage they wavered as one and cheered for and against the war.

The White House just sanctioned Syria for failure to control its border with Iraq. Who are we to talk? If failure to control your own borders was a crime, the entire U.S. government would be naked and watching the birdie at Abu Ghraib Prison.

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