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Jewish World Review May 19, 2004 / 28 Iyar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Hillary Clinton called for a national database Friday to match poor patients with affordable doctors. It works. One guy who couldn't afford health insurance was still able to find a veterinarian who saved him sixty percent on his vasectomy.

The Los Angeles Lakers advanced to the Western Conference Finals Saturday by beating the NBA champion San Antonio Spurs at the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles. The game was dominated by outside shooting. It's that kind of neighborhood.

The Hispanic Leadership Summit was held in Orlando Sunday to try to mobilize support for John Kerry. The language barrier doesn't help him. When John Kerry tells Hispanics he spent four years in Yale, they think he's got a criminal record.

John Kerry was politely received by the Teamsters Convention in Las Vegas Sunday. The mood was solemn. He was going to lay a wreath at the site where the Teamsters associates who built the Las Vegas strip are buried, but Lake Mead was too choppy.

Colin Powell pitched his peace plan to Arab leaders meeting in Jordan Sunday but got nowhere. So much has changed. There was a time in this region when light crude and heavy crude referred to barrels of oil and not prisoner positions in digital photos.

Greece held a four-day security drill to help prevent a terror attack during the Olympics. They have a fool-proof plan. In late July, they will telephone the U.S., British and Israeli teams and tell them the Games have been moved to Singapore.

The New York Times said U.S. consumers are ignoring high gasoline prices and buying gas guzzlers. The top sellers are big pickup trucks, big SUVs, and luxury cars with big engines. An American's idea of a hybrid vehicle is a motor home that can beat a Porsche off the line.

The Mexican Air Force showed infrared tape of mysterious lights flying in formation at high speed in the night sky over Mexico. Americans aren't scared. If there's one thing we have taught the world, it's that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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