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Jewish World Review May 18, 2004 / 27 Iyar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Conde Nast said Friday high fuel prices may cause Americans to cancel their summer vacation plans. It's a real shame. Vacations provide an annual chance to spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in other parts of the world.

Troy starring Brad Pitt and Peter O'Toole was a smash hit last weekend. The casting wasn't exactly ethnically correct. The producers tried to hire actual Greeks in the movie but they couldn't get George Stephanopoulos to play Helen of Troy.

Jerry Springer was named an Ohio delegate to the Democratic Convention. He was forced out of politics after he paid prostitutes with personal checks. His job will be to tutor the delegates on how to enjoy the convention without leaving a paper trail.

Bill Clinton handed in the manuscript of his memoir on Thursday and he's now preparing for his national book tour. Republicans can't wait. The Iraqi prison abuse scandal at Abu Ghraib is officially over the moment Elvis enters the bookstore.

Massachusetts began allowing same-sex marriages Monday as gay weddings broke out all over the state. It's already affected the presidential race. John Kerry won't name a running mate for awhile longer now because he's afraid people will talk.

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