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Jewish World Review May 6, 2004 / 15 Iyar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Los Angeles was swept by brushfires Tuesday fueled by heat and high winds, and beaches were invaded by great white sharks. How bad is it? Californians saw the photographs of Iraqis sitting naked in a prison and thought it was a travel brochure.

Detroit Medical Center offered emergency room patients free tickets to Tigers games if they aren't seen by a doctor in half an hour. It fills up the stadium. Twenty thousand fans attended the last game and six thousand of them were wearing toe tags.

Random House said Monday they think Bill Clinton's book will sell like Harry Potter. Nothing sells books like black magic. Back when Bill Clinton was governor of Arkansas, every Friday night at the stroke of midnight he would turn into a motel.

The Automobile Club said Monday terror attacks at Saudi Arabian ports raised gasoline prices. That's not what's keeping Americans off the road. People are reluctant to get into their cars because they know Billy Joel's out there somewhere.

U.S. Army Specialist Lynndie England of West Virginia was photographed taunting naked Iraqi prisoners. Her picture was taken off the Wall of Honor at her hometown Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart does not support the exploitation of prisoners except in China.

The American League of Lobbyists urged members Tuesday to donate old suits to the poor in Washington. They have plenty to give. In addition to changing suits twice a day, lobbyists lie out on the Capitol steps and shed their skin every August.

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