Argus Hamilton
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Republican Party raised $22 million at a fundraising dinner on Wednesday in Washington D.C. How lavish was the menu? The dessert was so rich it received a fundraising letter from Joe Lieberman and a proposal of marriage from John Kerry.
Bill Clinton spoke at the University of Arkansas to the only class in the world studying the Clinton Presidency. However, he couldn't say too much. He is forbidden by the Magician's Code to reveal the secrets of his best-loved escapes.
Liza Minnelli arrived in Italy Sunday to sing in a concert with Luciano Pavarotti. Then she tripped over a step at the hotel and hurt her knee. In Los Angeles, that's the second most popular Demerol-refill injury, after walking the dog on the freeway.
Justice Sandra Day O'Connor spoke Sunday at George Washington University Law School. She told the graduates they should volunteer their time to help people who don't have the money to pay legal bills. If they smoke, it could really pay off.
Syrian President Bashar Assad told a reporter Sunday he doubts the existence of al-Qaeda. You can't fault his logic. After the New York Times won a Pulitzer Prize for its coverage of September 11th, we should have known it never happened.
Senator John Edwards said Sunday he will campaign hard for the college vote. He said younger voters have a passion you can't get anywhere else. It sounds like the race is on to be the first Democrat on the cover of the National Enquirer.
Democratic candidate Dennis Kucinich plans to tour California in a bus which runs on recycled vegetable oil. This might be fun. If they pour a few pounds of popping corn into its gas tank it will keep Homeland Security busy for two weeks.
Jennifer Lopez was enshrined at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Her statue stands next to the museum's new statue of Saddam Hussein. The difference between them is, you really have to be ruthless in order to make it in show business.
Joe Lieberman presented his national health care plan. He described all the Americans who die annually from cancer, AIDS, heart disease and MS. Joe Lieberman was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
General Tommy Franks resigned his post Thursday. Ari Fleischer quit just two days earlier and Christie Whitman has left the EPA. You know a recession is just about over when Republicans are no longer willing to settle for a government salary.
Bill Clinton threw a party in a New York nightclub on
Thursday night for his presidential library. The facility will
eventually be self-supporting. Everyone knows that the
presidential library is merely a front for the casino and bunny
ranch.
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