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July 7th, 2022

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Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published April 11, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The U.S. Senate gathered for a historic vote Thursday and voted to confirm the nomination of U.S. Court of Appeals Judge Ketanji Jackson to be the first African American woman ever to serve on the Supreme Court. We're on our way. Just two more black female justices and it's the Supremes Court.

Barack Obama confessed Wednesday he didn't see Russia's invasion of Ukraine coming. What is it about pushing NATO membership for Ukraine that makes a Russian invasion unforeseeable? Everybody should have seen it coming, but to be fair, we said the same thing about Covid and Will Smith.

President Biden introduced Barack Obama for a speech in the East Room Wednesday but he was embarrassed afterwards to find himself crowding around Obama, who acted like Biden wasn't there. Joe Biden had a meeting with his cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

The Daily Mail reports a motorist's car stalled on a London roadway Thursday and police found six hundred thousand dollars worth of cocaine in the trunk. He was arrested for possession with intent to traffic. Had the driver been Hunter Biden, the police might have bought the personal use angle.

The American Veterinary Medical Association reported a dog flu that's sweeping the nation that affects a dog's respiratory system, and is nicknamed a Canine Cough. And as luck would have it, my neighbor just imported a big new beautiful dog that is a new breed from China. It's called a Wuhan Lab.

Tiger Woods generated huge excitement announcing he'll play in this week's Masters at Augusta National. The tournament is sponsored by Mercedes-Benz. The difference between a golf ball and a Mercedes is that Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball three hundred yards without hitting a tree.

The White House sidestepped calls to re-open oil drilling to lower gas prices, halt illegal immigration and end no-bail for felons. As for foreign policy, the National Enquirer reports that the CIA is secretly plotting to destroy Russia. The plan involves replacing Vladimir Putin with Joe Biden.

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Variety reports Hollywood stars are active on social media not only to generate interest in their movies, but also to remind advertisers they are for hire as spokespersons. Scarlett Johansson just signed a lucrative deal to endorse the world's most expensive fragrance. It's called Unleaded Supreme.

Holy Cross announced it'll name its science building after alum Anthony Fauci. That's nice but he longs for the limelight again. If someone doesn't get Dr. Fauci back on TV soon, he's going to have to reinvent himself as a transgender Ukrainian Disney princess who was attacked by Will Smith.

Pepsi Co announced that to support women in sports, Crackerjack popcorn will be re-branded Cracker Jill. Be very careful, you're on tricky ground if you're a smart aleck. You will be accused of being trans-phobic and canceled on Twitter if you complain that your box of Cracker Jill has nuts in it.

President Biden signed a law Wednesday making postal workers enroll in Medicare and dumping the USPS retiree health coverage. I don't see the need for any belt-tightening. The Postal Service lost five billion dollars last year, making it by far the most profitable branch of the United States government.

Congress received an approval rating of only twenty-one percent in the latest Real Clear Politics average. The AP reports a wild fox roaming around Washington, D.C., Tuesday attacked and bit a U.S. congressman. Tests were taken immediately to ensure no infectious diseases were transmitted to the fox.

House Democrats ran Big Oil executives through the gauntlet in committee hearings on Monday looking desperately for a scapegoat for the current economy. Gas prices are up, food prices are up and taxes are up. However economists say this is not a recession, we're just in the worst Boom in history.

Elon Musk was elected to the Board of Directors of Twitter Tuesday, not that the board had any choice. Elon bought nine percent of Twitter stock, becoming the biggest shareholder in the company, and now they can't censor him or cancel him. Trump can't believe he never thought of that.

Sean Penn went on Fox News and told Sean Hannity Ukraine will win against Russia. He knows about war, he was married to Madonna. If Sean Penn and Sean Hannity can sit down together for one hour without killing each other, you'd think the Russians and the Ukrainians could work things out.

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