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Jewish World Review April 5, 2021 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
President Biden flew to Pennsylvania Wednesday to announce the roll-out of his multi-trillion dollar infrastructure bill which he called the biggest U.S. government project in history. Democrats immediately compared Joe Biden to FDR. Not for his leadership, but for his inability to walk up stairs.
• President Biden saw a new poll Tuesday revealing that fifty-four percent of Americans think his border control policy has no teeth. Upon hearing the news, Biden's German Shepherd bit the White House landscaper. When it comes to correcting the polls, you just can't beat German efficiency.
• The Batman starring Robert Pattinson resumed filming in London this week and got a release date for next March. When the bat signal hits the sky over Gotham City, it's time for the Caped Crusader to fight a crime. When the bat signal flashes in the sky over Wuhan it means dinner's ready.
• Psychology Today ran a study on male vanity saying men are now the vainer sex, and that we stop to look at our reflection twenty-eight times a day. I look in the mirror at what's left of me each morning and acknowledge that the years have been good to me. It's the weekends that did the damage.
• NBC News reports a college study is underway to see if a computer using AI can write a movie script from analyzing other scripts. The results are fascinating. The program read all of Woody Allen's screenplays then wrote a script where a Smith Corona typewriter has an affair with an iPhone. • Major League Baseball celebrated Opening Day Thursday to begin the National Pastime's one hundred and forty-sixth season. It's a day rich in ceremony. For the Washington Nationals opener, President Biden was invited to throw out the first pitch, but he was more likely to throw out his back. • President Biden backed stripping Atlanta of the MLB All-Star Game in his snit over Georgia's voter law. He also ripped the Texas Rangers for allowing full stadium attendance. Biden has been trying to get control of Major League Baseball ever since he heard that Covid started with a bat. • Russia's Foreign Minister stated Thursday relations between Russia and the U.S. have hit rock bottom. The cancel culture is making many Americans wonder which country is freer now. Yakov Smirnov may have to move back to Russia if he wants to continue telling jokes about the government. • The Richard Nixon Presidential Library marked the Vietnam War Veterans Day Monday that was proclaimed by Nixon in 1974. It's taken forever for his imprint to pass into history. I didn't know that G. Gordon Liddy had died Wednesday until somebody was caught breaking into the casket. • Hunter Biden will release his memoir Beautiful Things this week. It details his near-death in a D.C. crack house until his miraculous recovery. It sounds like Democrats weren't satisfied with winning the presidency, they want to take the My Pillow business away from the Republicans as well. • Swimming World marks the 20th anniversary of Michael Phelps' first world record Tuesday on his way to Olympic glory. Last night I learned from a swimming instructor that infants are born with the ability to swim. But I hope everyone was VERY suspicious of the first person to discover that. • The Centers for Disease Control estimated Wednesday that by the first of April one-fourth of the population of the United States has received their corona virus vaccination shots. I just got my second Covid vaccine shot. And everything is alright, in fact it came with a copy of Microsoft Office. • National Public Radio said Central American refugees are crossing the U.S. border because of all the drug trafficking, lack of education, street murders, homelessness, and political dictatorships back in their home countries. America used to be an escape to a better life. Now it's a lateral transfer.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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