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Jewish World Review April 20, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
China faced condemnation when it became clear they didn't seal off Wuhan from the world as well as from China in January. It's a question of who you believe. The next day China got the media back on their side after revealing the virus was caused by two bats wearing MAGA hats.
• Nancy Pelosi appeared live on CBS Late Night in her San Francisco home. She showed off her thirty-thousand-dollar refrigerator. The cardboard box alone provides housing for four just outside her security gate, including a huge bathroom on the luxurious winding sidewalk.
• Joe Biden popped up in an interview on MSNBC Wednesday and leveled general charges of irresponsibility against the president. It was nice to see him. Ever since the sexual misconduct charges were leveled against him Sunday, Joe Biden has been harder to find than cheap toilet paper.
• Joe Biden succeeded in unifying the Democratic Party behind him. The Democrats who ran against him are falling in line behind him. In one day, Joe Biden was endorsed by a Black candidate, an Asian candidate and a Hispanic candidate, and that was just Elizabeth Warren.
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Fox News reports Pentagon sources say China sealed off contagious Wuhan from China but not from the world. Forget China, I have another theory. I think the DNC released the corona virus to keep Joe Biden from inappropriately touching women throughout the presidential campaign.
• Staples in Hollywood is giving away the store stock of 2020 planning calendars since planning for this year is out the window. What few people knew ahead of time is that 2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has twenty-nine days in February, three hundred days in March, and five years in April.
• The White House produced charts showing that most of the U.S. is enjoying a decline in the number of cases, indicating the danger has crested. Scientists say warm air and natural light will help stop the spread of corona virus. If natural light is not available, any cheap beer will do.
• Psychology Today predicted it will take people time to adjust to life after quarantine following a month of living in lockdown. I spend all day at home, I waste hours online, I binge-watch TV and I have my food delivered. Yes, the virus sickened a lot of people but it turned me into a Millennial.
• The Commerce Department reports that despite the millions of layoffs in many sectors during the shutdown, many companies need workers due to new demand. When you were a child, did you ever knock on people's front doors then run away before they could answer? If so, UPS is hiring.
• L.A. grocery stores are limiting the number of customers, creating long lines of untested people in the stores and in line outside to get in. Grocery shopping in West Hollywood has become a real-life version of playing Pac-Man. You avoid everyone, get the fruit, and take any route to avoid contact.
• President Trump's announced plan for America's return to business provided hope for those who are zoned-out from a month of quarantine. The experience of home confinement has taught Millennials here in Los Angeles a valuable life lesson. You don't need fun to have alcohol.
• Boeing says it's conducted successful tests on the world's first pilotless passenger airliner. The plane has already struck three pedestrians. The computer system on the airliner is so advanced, it has access to over five hundred thousand inappropriate comments it can make to the flight attendants.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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