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Jewish World Review April 5, 2013 / 25 Nissan, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
L.A. City Hall marked the fortieth anniversary of the first cell phone Wednesday. The earliest ones didn't cause any car wrecks. Other drivers who saw you just assumed you were singing while drying your sideburns and gave you the leeway you'd give any escapee.
California's Department of Forestry announced a plan to prevent summer brushfires by bringing in goats to graze on Los Angeles hillsides and eat up the brush this spring. It proves one thing. Trends come and go, but Jack Nicholson will always work in this town.
Lindsay Lohan tweeted while vacationing in Brazil Monday she is pregnant but then twelve hours later she re-tweeted that it was an April Fools joke. She was not pregnant after all. She just made it all up so she could tell everyone in Rio that she's drinking for two.
California's Oakcrest Institute released a health study saying that laughter on a daily basis is just as healthy as exercise. It's really bad news for the GOP. Nobody knew until now that watching Joe Biden on C-SPAN could extend your life by a minimum of eight years.
The National Archives bowed to sequester cuts by storing away most of its historical documents from the past seventy-five years. Congress is fine with that. Politicians want to be able to keep calling their opponents Hitler and not be hassled by fact-checkers.
The White House announced that the president will return five percent of his salary to the U.S. government to share the sacrifice in the sequester budget cuts. He's paying seventeen hundred a month back to the Treasury. At this rate he'll reimburse us for what he spent on family vacations but only if he's president for another twenty-three years.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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